27/09/15 You asked me to write a blog post about you, so here I am. In fact, I even started one yesterday. I sat next to you and started typing as you read over my shoulder but now I’m alone, and so I’m starting anew.
You told me not to make it obvious who you are. I won’t.
28/09/15 If you had asked me when the last was that I cried before yesterday, I wouldn’t be able to remember. It took me such a long time to get to a point where I wasn’t sure when I last had tears streaming down my face. I really thought that I had cried all my tears- so as you can tell, things were a wreck to set off my waterworks. Why is it that whenever I look back on us, I always feel like it was a better time then? This time last year we were best friends. And now I have no idea how much it is that you hate me.
You looked at me like I was dirt.
I don’t want to let myself care about something like this, I don’t want to waste my energy trying, but of course I try. Of course I try because I miss what we used to be, it’s because I KNOW what we could be. You have the capability to make me so, so happy, and no matter what you do wrong to me, I’m still going to see that part of you.
I’m sorry I told you that you’d changed. You assumed the worst when I said that. So hear me out.
Yes, you really hurt me sometimes and I don’t know if you realize that, but I’m not going to keep quiet and pretend that I’m fine with it. I wasn’t trying to criticize you, I just couldn’t let you carry on doing things that made me feel so helpless. I doubt you meant to make me feel that way- I know you’re not that person. You haven’t changed in a bad way.
All I can imagine is that I’ve just decreased in worth towards you.
And that’s a very blunt was to say it, but there’s no use for detail now. Yesterday, as things escalated, you hardly even spoke to me. It hurt most because all I did was sit and cry, yet people still found more lies or twisted truths to tell about me. I’d never say a bad word against you, not intentionally. It hurts because you believed what others said instead of coming to me. It hurts that they got involved when they really didn’t need to(of course, that’s not your fault), and that people felt so strongly against me whilst I was trying to make it work. If I had a clear explanation of what I did wrong, things would be different. I miss the fact that we used to be okay.