Dear diary.

I’ve got random, on-and-off diaries from before I could spell properly. I remember that even before I knew how to write letters, I’d fill pages with rows of squiggles and loops(that vaguely resembled ‘e’s), pretending to construct some very important document.

Of course, my diaries from primary school are on the other side of the spectrum to what I write now- but it’s interesting to read back on them. One thing that is blatantly obvious, is that life was very simple when I was 7. I wrote about dancing and childminders. Now, I write about unexplainable things, life and death, the world, beliefs and unhappiness. I don’t think blogging could fully ever replace a diary. Once you start writing for an audience, you lose the pure honesty found within a diary- something expectedly for your eyes only.

There are things I’d rather not read again. When you look back on old feelings you had, feelings you thought were eternal, it’s… cringey. Despite this, there are thoughts that I wish I had never had in the first place. I specifically have a half-empty diary in a box with other old items I wish not to throw out because I cannot bear to finish it. I don’t want to bring it back into my life, that dreaded Mickey Mouse journal. It wasn’t some cheap flimsy notebook either- there’s just no editing I think would do to it now.

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I’m definitely going to keep up diary-writing. It’s always useful to be able to look back on your thoughts, the ways you’ve changed, the person you used to be.

I have a friend, a girl I met just last year who I know keeps at least 5 journals. A planner, a book of lists, a journal where she writes thoughts, a journal where she writes about the events that happened during the day. She used to tell me about how she’d be up til one in the morning completing them. Some people might think it’s crazy (I could never commit to it…), but it’s what worked for her. I remember once we were sat looking back through our old journals, reading out loud our past thoughts and first impressions of each other/things we did together.

I often write with publishing in mind. I wouldn’t mind others reading the words that come from my nonsensical mind.

If that appeals to you, you can explore a bit of my “poetry” here. And I will leave you with that.

Shmelted×

afternote: For more on the girl who writes lists, search for trustmeimperfect

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